How To Write A Term Paper... In 31 Easy Steps
1) Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place w/ plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2) Read over the assignment to make certain you understand it.
3) Walk down to the vending machine and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
4) Stop off at another floor on the way back and visit your friend from class. If your friend hasn't
started the paper yet either, you can both walk down to McDonald's for a hamburger to help you
concentrate. If he shows you his paper, typed, double spaced, in one of those irritating see thru plastic
folders, dump him.
5) When you get back, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place w/ plenty of
freshly sharpened pencils.
6) Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
7) Check you email; reply to everyone who sent you letters.
8) You know, you haven't written that kid you met at camp since 4th grade... You'd better write that
letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
9) Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
10)Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it, I mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to
start that paper.
11) Listen to the other side.
12) Check you email again.
13) Rearrange all you cds in alphabetical order.
14) Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory
remarks about your teacher, the course, the university, the world at large.
15) Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place w/ plenty of freshly sharpened
pencils.
16) Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor its flavor.
17) Check your email again to make sure no one sent you any urgent messages.
18) Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing anything truly worthwhile on TV.
NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV is worthwhile w/ these
exceptions: *Pro Bowler's Tournament *any movie starring Don Ameche *Star Trek.
19) Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on channel 26.
20) Phone your friend on the 3rd floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.
21) Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
22) Look through your roomate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.
23) Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
24) Go check to see if there are any mysterious, trench coated strangers lurking in the hall.
25) Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place w/ plenty of freshly sharpened
pencils.
26) Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it.
27) Check your email.
28) Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
29) Lie face down on the floor and moan.
30) Leap up and write the paper.
31) Type the paper.
Tons of Fun
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